Where I Stood
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: Set during 5.01. Haley reflects on why she left Aaron months ago. While visiting him in the hospital Haley discovers someone who is willing to love Aaron despite the risks and Haley feels a sense of understanding.


Howdy ya'll.

This song came up on my shuffle and this idea *BAM!* hit me so I just let it take me to wherever it desired. I thought this was also perfect for episode 5.01! I really don't like Haley that much but after getting into her head (or what I'd like to think is her head) I like her a little more. I just couldn't see why anyone would let Hotch go! Ya no? Anyway I really like this one, and I'm glad I wrote it. I think the song is perfect for Haley/Hotch: Though this is a H/P sort of fic. *laugh*

So I hope you all enjoy&review. Unfortunately I don't own Criminal Minds or "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins no matter how hard I pray or how many wishes on shooting stars I make.

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_I don't know what I've done_

_Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey you know me it's all or none_

Looking back on her decision to leave Aaron that night, Haley realized it had been a long time coming. It was one of the hardest choices she ever had to make, but it seemed like it had to be made. So Haley chose and took Jack away from his father. That was probably the only thing she truly regretted. She just wasn't that woman and she realized he wasn't that man: That man to walk away from his job when his team needed him. Despite her pleas, Aaron had chosen his job and Haley chose her son. It seemed like a pretty fair decision at the time.

Haley knew Aaron was a good father, he had never proven otherwise nor given her any doubt to that fact. She could easily see the adoration and the devotion that sprung to his eyes once he saw Jack. Haley couldn't help but be upset that those emotions slowly stopped showing in his eyes when he looked at her. There was still love, but love changed all the time. It morphs like a caterpillar into something different and new. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. A love between two people never dies, it just wanes.

In the beginning, when Aaron first started to drift, Haley had been afraid he had been having an affair. Looking back she realized what a frivolous fear it had been and Haley felt guilty of suspecting Aaron of something like that. He may have put his job first, but he had been a loyal husband. Though, looking at Emily and JJ, Haley still felt that slight jealous streak in her heart. They saw him everyday, talked to him everyday. They were a part of his life that Haley could never intrude upon.

_There were sounds in my head_

_Little voices whispering_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh and I found myself listening_

It had been on a whim that Haley had packed up her things and grabbed Jack that night. Something deep inside her heart, and mind, had told her to leave. She wasn't sure what it had been but she listened and let Aaron come home to an empty house. Part of her felt that was cruel but she knew that even though she asked him to leave after that case that he wouldn't. Perhaps he couldn't. Haley didn't really know what to say when she found out Gideon had left the team and Aaron was put in charge. Maybe that voice in her head had seen it coming and was telling her not to waste her breath on one more argument about his job. His team needed him, though Haley had needed him more; so did his son. She didn't consider herself being selfish. Was it so wrong to want your husband to come home at a decent hour and help raise your child? Haley never thought so.

Now Haley was riding in a car with Morgan and JJ as they explained what had happened to Aaron. Her gut was a mess of mixed emotions. Fear for Aaron's life and her sons, hatred for the man who had put Aaron in the hospital and anger at Aaron himself for letting his work drag her and Jack into this. She knew it was partly irrational to blame Aaron for this, but it was his job that had got him injured in the first place and was causing her and Jack to relocate according to Dave.

She didn't want to leave. This was her home and Aaron be dammed for letting some serial killer drive her away from it.

Haley didn't pay much more attention to the agents that were driving her to the hospital. She did wonder where Emily was though; she couldn't recall seeing her storm her house. Jack was silent during the car ride after Haley had explained that they were visiting daddy in the hospital. Jack loved his father deeply and Haley knew he wanted him around more. She was sure going to let Aaron have it when she arrived at the hospital.

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

Haley quickly walked down the hallways of the hospital with Dave and Morgan at her side. When she reached Aaron's room her saw Emily with her back to the door talking to him. Haley grimaced; he looked like hell. He looked at her and Emily turned around. She smiled faintly and left the room as Haley walked in. Something made Haley hesitate though. When her eyes had met Emily's, Haley noticed a spark in them. A spark that was once in Aaron's eyes when he would come home and cuddle with Haley on the couch. Emily Prentiss was in love with her ex-husband.

It disoriented Haley for a moment, but she and Aaron needed to talk. Now. Haley was beyond upset; seeing Aaron so weak and defeated brought out the warrior in her. Maybe it was because she thought she could win a fight against him if he was weakened, but she didn't. Aaron was right about the possibility of Foyet attacking her and Jack. She may not have wanted him to tell her anything about his cases, but she knew serial killers were determined. She couldn't think of anyways that he could make this up to her. There was nothing he could do for her now.

Though it did make her sad to see him in that state. Saying he would spend the rest of his life making this up to her when she had left him: When she had hurt him so visibly. She had never truly deserved a man like Aaron Hotchner. If she had at one point, she stoped the day she ran. Haley left to go get Jack and swallowed a lump in her throat as she saw Emily playing with her son. Jack smiled at Emily and she ruffled his hair. Haley looked and saw Dave smiling at the two of them and knew he had seen what she had in Emily's eyes.

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you ain't leaving without a fight_

_And I think I am just as torn inside_

Jack had just meet Emily and Haley could see he was taken with her. It made Haley's heart cringe as she realized how this woman could easily take both of the men in her life away, without even trying. Emily saw Haley and gently pushed Jack to her and smiled once more at Haley. She nodded and took Jack into Aaron's room to see his daddy before they went on 'vacation.'

Any anger Haley had felt towards Aaron seemed to vanish as she watched him with Jack. It was in that moment Haley saw a little bit of who her husband use to be as he talked affectionately to his son. Haley hadn't really thought of how his separation would affect Aaron and she felt a little more guilty. His job was obviously wearing him down and this was icing on the whole cake. She wondered how this event would affect his job; his life.

Haley knew he would try his hardest to catch Foyet, maybe even get injured in the process once more. She also knew he wasn't just doing this for there son. She knew he still loved her. At least a part of him did. Then again, love changes and theirs did. Maybe that little shadow of a sparkle in his eyes had nothing to do with Haley and had everything to do with his dark haired subordinate. Haley felt that prick of jealousy once more.

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

Haley wanted to get out of there fast. She hated seeing Aaron in his current state and she wasn't sure how she truly felt about Emily Prentiss taking her place.

Haley walked out of Aaron's hospital room and saw Emily rubbing her forehead in what the younger woman guessed was exhaustion. Haley also saw the woman glance at Aaron's room a few times as Dave and Morgan talked to her. Morgan laid a supportive hand on her shoulder and Emily smiled her thanks. Rossi too, offered a friendly gesture; which made Emily's smile solidify. Haley was able to witness what Aaron had talked about so many times. His team was more than just a team. They were a family.

Haley felt a little better about leaving Aaron as she realized he was never truly alone. With Dave, his old friend, and Emily-who was perhaps more-Aaron would always have someone to turn too. Maybe that was why she hadn't felt that bad about leaving him that night. Well, one reason at least.

Haley walked over to where the profilers were as Dave and Morgan left Emily by herself for reason's Haley didn't know. "Agent Prentiss." Haley said once she was close enough. Emily turned and looked at Haley surprised. Haley couldn't blame her. She'd be surprised too if the ex-wife of her boss walked over to her for a word.

_And I won't be far from where you are _

_if ever you should call_

_You meant more to me than anyone _

_I ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you_

_This is what I have to do_

"Haley." Emily said trying to hide her confusion. Haley too was confused. She hadn't been sure what she had wanted to tell the older woman but she knew once she saw Emily glance towards Aaron's room once more. "Take care of him." Haley said referring to Aaron. Emily's eyes widened then closed in what looked like shame. Though once she opened her eyes Haley knew it wasn't shame. _'She feels guilty for loving Aaron_,' Haley realized and knew she could never love Aaron the way Emily did. Haley knew the risks Emily faced by loving him. She could lose her job. She was willing to risk all that just to love a man who might not be able to love her back. Aaron was not the man he once was. He was haunted and hurting in a way Haley had only read about in angst ridden novels. He had become almost a shadow of his former self; perhaps believing he wasn't worthy of a woman's love.

Though Haley saw that Emily was determined.

Emily saw what Aaron did everyday and knew what he was going though. He could tell her things Haley wouldn't let him tell her. Emily could probably read the darker parts of Aaron's mind and not run and hide. She was better for him than Haley was and it was that epiphany that made Haley realized that leaving Aaron was the best thing she could've done…for both of them. She admired Emily for loving Aaron; it wasn't easy business. Sure, she was still a little jealous that Emily had been given the chance to have the life with Aaron that Haley had always believed was hers, but Haley realized that Emily deserved to be happy just as much as she did. She had so much to lose and so much to gain at the same time.

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood._

Emily nodded to Haley and replied "I will," as Dave and some other man came towards the two of them. Haley knew Aaron was in good hands and felt like this was what she had needed all along. She wouldn't call it closure, not yet at least. Haley smiled as Jack said goodbye to Emily and as Emily said goodbye back. Dave introduced her to Agent Miller who would make sure she and Jack would be safe from Foyet. "We'll get him." Dave said hugging Haley and Emily agreed verbally ruffling Jack's hair once more.

As Haley turned to leave she noticed how Emily started to walk back to Aaron's room and she felt like she understood things a little more. She wasn't one who thought that everything happened for a reason, but thinking about her relationship with Aaron and Emily's own budding relationship with him, Haley was willing to believe that such a statement was true. All Haley could do now was hope Foyet would be caught soon and that Aaron would realize what a great woman he had waiting for him. She hoped he let himself love again; she wanted Aaron to be happy again. Even if it wasn't with her.

Haley was content to know there was someone out there who could take her place and do what no one else could. Love Aaron Hotchner; as both the agent and the man.

_She who dares to stand where I stood._

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Ah, I do love writing fanfics. I do, I do, I do!

And I couldn't remember the name of the agent who took Haley and Jack at the end of this episode so I made up a name. *laugh* I hoped you all enjoyed it, and I am going to try very very hard to get the 4th chapter of "Breaking Point" up by tomorrow evening. School is trying to murder me right now so finding time to write my stories is kind of hard. But fear not mortals, I shall have it up soon.

Peace out.


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